How I got here...

(Written on Dec 1st, 2016 - Postdated to Archive)

Quick recap on my history...
I graduated in 2003 and went on to attended Oakland University. After 7 years of school, with some health issues, I graduated with my Bachelor of Music in Vocal Performance. Then I auditioned and began performing at the Detroit Opera House with the MOT Chorus. In 2011, I started my own music studio where I taught voice and piano.




At the end of 2014 a few different things happened in the span of a few months.

At the start of the year, I had gone Graduate Auditions in Chicago and Philadelphia. I was accepted into ONE program without any financial assistance. I decided to wait. I set my focus on the MET Auditions...



In November ...
I finally got the nerve to audition for the MET Competition and was met with a VERY disappointing outcome. Not only did I not receive any accolades, I had spent over $1,000 in lessons (not including the hour-long drive to and from) preparing for this event and the meeting I had with the MET Representative was LESS THAN stellar. 

I did not receive the constructive feedback I had been hoping for, and I was in the middle of my 5th season with the Opera House Chorus. I couldn't get anywhere. Everyone kept saying that I "wasn't ready yet" and when I asked what I should do I was met with "you're on the right path". It was recommended that I seek training out of state, but after spending tons of time and money on my music pursuit for 12 years... I was ready for a break.



In December...
My Loving Fiance decided to propose. 

This is a point of conflict for me. He and I had had a serious discussion about marriage and the progression of our relationship months prior, and at that time he decided that he would rather pursue his schooling than plan a wedding. I told him how hurt I was at this, since he had been talking about school since BEFORE we had gotten together, and now we were 3 years in...
But we got past that and I was focused on getting through the rest of the school year and taking a full music sabbatical from performance as well as teaching.

So while it was sweet, and not inappropriate, to propose at nearly 3 and a half years... I was taken completely off guard (and put complete ON guard) when it happened.

But that Christmas we visited with both sides of our families and celebrated the event. I got on Pinterest board and started to get excited about planning things.



In January...
At the end of January, I moved out of my parents home. 

I had moved back in during the last year of my undergraduate courses, and as life will often do, I found myself there 5 years later without meaning to. Things had been getting tense, and it was time for us to have space in our relationship.

There were a lot of difficult issues that came up during this transition. Nothing that I plan to expound on, but the next year found me bouncing from thing to thing and not really "landing" anywhere.



Over the Next Year...
While in the midst of closing out my Teaching Studio, I went on to try other lines of work.

I worked as a Call Center Agent, then as a Garden Shop Employee where I ran a small Boutique for a Floral, Art & Landscaping Company. Then I found myself without consistent income for over 3 months (a FIRST for me). In that time I helped an Opera Company with Set Construction & Assistant Stage Mgmt for their Spring Tour.

Eventually I was able to work for nearly half a year as a Chef at a prominent Italian restaurant, before the stress caused me to slow my hours and eventually leave. After that I grabbed a quick job as a daytime waitress at a family owned diner.

Now I work there a couple days a week, and I balance out my income working at a Ceramics Shop a few days. And I am miserable.



Looking Ahead...
I know there is more for me. I don't know exactly what it is, but I can feel it. And I have set a deadline that by the time I leave for vacation after Christmas I will KNOW.

In January I will begin projects, branch out and change the sad depression my life has sunk down into for the past two years.

I am opening myself to the positive energy the universe has to offer me. I am starting to network, and most importantly, I am starting to dream again...

Words to live by

It is not easy to stay positive.

Especially in a fallen economy, when you're a student/artist, and you're constantly on the search for another job to supplement the small income you're maintaining. Everyone has their own struggles they deal with day in and day out, but in the arts it is ESSENTIAL to keep a positive outlook and attitude.

Having a positive energy about yourself will impact other people's willingness to recommend you, hire you, promote you, and enjoy what you offer as an artist. Maintaining an air of graciousness and appreciation for every opportunity you are given will lead to other opportunities to network, be promoted and GET MORE WORK!


Easier said then done, right?


That is why I am beginning this blog with the wisdom and words of Max Ehrmann.

Some of you may already be familiar with his work Desiderata, but I like to reread it time and again to recenter myself. I find that it helps to take my mind off of the "me centered" thought patterns I can fall into when I'm stressed about work (or lack of work) and into a wider mental scope of the world, my place in it, and the place of people around me.

We are all struggling, but if I can stay positive within myself, maybe I can help other people stay positive too. Then if nothing else changes within the situation, we can all at least be a little happier. And THAT would be enough for me. We all want to be happy, right?


Think about it.  ;)


*~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

Desiderata
(Latin: "things desired")

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.


Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952.