I have been gripped with depression on a deeper level than I have ever dealt with, and I found it particularly hard to get my day started.
Compound that with technical issues leading up to my show in the evening, and I was back and forth all day. One moment I was fine and composed, the next I would be a complete mess.
My gift that morning was a cute little video I shared on social media. It wasn't much, but I thought that it would brighten someone's day.
In the evening DJ and I went to my schedule performance. We dealt with more complications but the show went on. I wasn't happy with how things went in the middle of my performance I kept thinking "this isn't good enough"... But I had wonderful reviews.
Still feeling unworthy, I had a discussion with the girl working the desk that evening about the usual entertainment. I explained that I tweak my show each time I come to this venue, but I always receive different feedback each time. We both agreed that it may not be a bad idea to send out a survey to the residents, and see what they respond to.
Either way, I still consider my gift of music to be a gift. I could have easily kept that to myself, I wasn't feeling it most of the day and it was hard to keep my commitment. It is difficult to be the entertainment for other people when you're struggling yourself... But I did it.
It wasn't the worst experience I've ever had. And it certainly wasn't the worst show I've ever done. And after listening to the recording in bed that evening, I felt a lot better.
My voice sounded amazing. I was consistent throughout the entire performance, and I was proud of what I heard.
It might have felt off, but it sounded on. I'd rather have that than the flip side any day.
Sometimes that's all you can hope for.
And with that, I guess I'm still giving... ✨
No comments:
Post a Comment