Aha Moment - Stress and Depression

In her book, "You are a Badass", Jen Sincero describes aha as no-brainers:

You know countless of these truisms of which I speak, you've heard them or thought them a million times, but when they finally sink in and you "get it", they become earth-shattering news.

Today I had an "Aha Moment". A BIG one for me. The kind of moment that Jen would describe as "well, duh".

First, today was a really good day for me. I don't have a lot of days that I would describe as good, so they kind of stand out. DJ and I both didn't get a enough sleep again, but my mood was really upbeat. Getting past the stress of my performance, I was on a high. Magically, none of the customers annoyed me today.  Things that would normally be a problem didn't feel like a "big deal". I wasn't overwhelmed and trying not to cry.

Just the other day, I described myself as feeling "manic-depressive", to my mother. Not in the sense that I actually feel manic-depressive, it's that my "normal" feels manic compared to how down I feel when I'm depressed.

Today I was in such a good mood I actually wondered if I was being "manic"? I didn't feel like I was rushing anywhere, or in hyperdrive, but I was smiling and pleasant and nothing really got under my skin.

And that's when the "aha" hit me...

STRESS plays into my depression.

(Duh, right?) Some level I already knew this, I've known for a while that I need to change my line of work. I know that I'm not good at wasting my time in mediocre jobs, when I can have a real impact doing other things.

I frequently find myself feeling like I am wasting time whenever I'm at work. I think about all the tasks that I need to do outside of work, and if it weren't for bills, I would definitely hold them as higher priorities. The only thing I can say for my jobs right now are that they pay my bills.

I'm sure there's a lot of people who say that, maybe that's how a lot of people feel about their work... But for me it has to be more than that. I am literally wasting myself at a job where all I do is make money to pay bills.

This is not to say that I think my job is useless, I think that my job is wasted on me. And I am wasted on my job. I'm not meeting my potential and becoming a greater good - I'm not doing what I should be doing. And other people would feel more fulfilled be doing what I do, but I don't.

So it's time to make some big changes.

I will be changing my focus in the new year, and I think DJ will too. We're both shifting gears where careers are concerned, and I'm hoping that will put us both in a better place.

Here's to Resolutions and Aha Realizations! (clink) 🍻